Move over America & London; here's why Uruguay is the best place in the world to live in

Every 15 years or so, people without the burden of a criminal chargesheet, life-defeating EMIs or children under the age of 30, get the itch — the itch to get up and leave, and pitch their tents elsewhere.

Indians with plans of emigrating to ‘phoren’ lands usually end up either in America (if you’re a god-fearing nerd), or in Britain (if you’re Bengali). The Gulf is not a destination — it’s where people go so that they can afford to settle in places like Australia, where they speak English and watch cricket. Running out of individual freedom-loving, uncrowded and inexpensive countries, I had almost given up, until…

…until I met an elderly gentleman at a dinner in Jaipur recently, whom I first reckoned to be Wayne Rooney’s dad, then a mobster on whom Guy Ritchie had based the character of Barry ‘The Baptist’ in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. He turned out to be a retired British diplomat who was posted in the CIS countries just after the fall of the Soviet Union. After some small talk about big things like oil and gas, American bases in Azerbaijan, it popped out: Uruguay.

An Oasis of Peace

The gentleman with MI6 written all over his face told me with incredible conviction that Uruguay was the best place in the world to live in. Yes, Uruguay, the second-smallest country in South America that lies as a door-hinge between Argentina in the south and Brazil in the north, that we hear about only during the football World Cup and among lonely WTO boffins.

Over a few drinks, the affable gent gave me five unbeatable reasons why Uruguay was the place. From the bit of that conversation I recall, and from what I found out later, here are five reasons why I — no, not all of you! — will be moving to Montevideo, the Uruguayan capital. Once I convince my missus:

1. It’s a democracy, and they don’t torture people: Latin America is a neighbourhood where being a democracy and not being picked up because you cracked a bad joke means a lot. I spent a whole car ride with Spanish writer Javier Moro (author of that Sonia Gandhi book, The Red Sari) going on and on about kidnappings in Caracas, shootouts in Brasilia, muggings in Buenos Aires. So to find an oasis of peace like Uruguay is like stubbing one’s toe on a bar of gold in a rubbish dump.

2. With a Prez Like This, Who Needs a PM Like…: Without doubt, José ‘Pepe’ Mujica is the coolest head of government in the world. A week back, the man who’s been elected president since 2010 gave a lift to a hitchhiker in the 1987 blue Volkswagen Beetle he drives — not for any photo-op, but just. This is one guy who understands the value of quality of life: “To live you need freedom, and to have freedom you need time.” He doesn’t make a fetish out of being ‘a workaholic’, he runs a good economy and is clear about his job: “The president is a high-level official who is elected to carry out of a function. He is not a king, not a god. He is not the witch doctor of a tribe who knows everything.”

3. Chill Out, and It’s Not Crowded: This is the country that The Economist named ‘The Country of the Year’ in 2013. Uruguay would have kept the title permanently weren’t it for some silly rule about there having to be other contenders. Cannabis is legal here, its people are fun-loving, super-tolerant, and haven’t turned their country into a tourist hole. With 3.3 million people, I’ll be able to spread my elbows. And since expat Indians are traditionally partypoopers, I checked how many snoopy desis live in Uruguay. Turns out about 300, almost all of them living in Montevideo, some 100 of whom are employees of the Gurgaonbased company Sharma Fabricators and Erectors — and the rest nuns. Ergo, unlikely to bump into them.

4. Beautiful Country, Beautiful Game: Google gives more than an inkling of how Montevideo is where it is at: it’s beautiful and it’s slick. It’s home without the streets outside home being ‘another country’. And there’s great football. Apart from Enzo Francescoli, a hero from my youth (who made dark circles under the eyes cool), there’s the Chomper-Destroyer Supreme, Luis Suárez, as well as El Matador, Edinson Cavani. Brute strength and speed: I’ll finally be able to support a home side without embarrassment.

5. A Welcome Change: The embassy in Delhi confirmed that Uruguay actually wants people to go and live there! There’s no immigration quota, applicants don’t need to make investments or pull strings for those complicated visas. Sure, the income requirement has gone up from the earlier $600 (`37,036) per month. But you still don’t have to be a suit to get permanent residency there. All that’s required is to stay in Uruguay — rather than use it as some sort of tax-shaving base. The immigration authorities apparently even help you to find property according to your income there.

Now to pick up some Spanish and find a job in Montevideo. Saare jahan se achha, Rio de la Plata hamara…