''Entourage'': Ari's wife strays professionally

”Entourage”: Ari’s wife strays professionally

How appropriate that tonight’s episode, ”The Young and the Stoned,” aired in August. This show was hot! There was the burn of fear when Turtle got pulled over by the LAPD, the smoky allure of another pretty L.A. floozy willing to hook up with Vince, the fiery embarrassment E felt when guest star Anna Faris blew him off, and the searing, magma-degree hotness that was Mrs. Ari.

Let’s start with Mrs. Ari. Before you flame away, call my mother, and demand Gloria Steinem storm the EW offices with picket signs declaring, ”Paul Katz is a macho pig!” hear me out. I’m not referring to the ”hotness” of Mrs. Ari in the physical sense. Granted the woman can bounce quarters off her abs and probably make change, but the fire I speak of emerged from Mrs. Ari’s explosive temper after she was asked to return for a guest spot on The Young and the Restless and Ari’s response was to say, ”You left the show when you were 25, and now they shoot everything in high def.” Wow. I swore following that line, I could hear husbands up and down my block cringe — and likely cross their legs. Yep, any man who’s been with a woman for more than, let’s say, five minutes knew that was a mistake. And then Ari did what most of us guys do after making a blunder the size of the Grand Canyon. He made it worse. Crashing the soap opera’s set the next day, Ari demanded his wife quit — or at the very least not lock lips with her Antonio Banderas-esque costar. Even his response to Mrs. Ari’s claim that a mother they knew had appeared on Criminal Minds as an assault victim and the acting gig hadn’t screwed up her kids received this unwise rejoinder: ”A: Rape is involuntary,” said Ari. ”And B: It’s prime time.” Nice.

And Ari just kept digging himself in deeper, threatening the fake Antonio with the end of his career should he get physical with his wife, and offering the actor a spot on Ugly Betty if he went along. Of course, Mrs. Ari got wise and marched right over to smooch the man who wasn’t her husband. But in the end, the Golds kissed and made up. It seems all Mrs. Ari wanted was an apology for her husband’s boneheaded remark at the start of the episode. The whole touchy-feely finale made this a very special episode of Entourage. I didn’t buy that Mrs. Ari would forgive and forget so easily. Ladies, would you? But as far as dysfunctional relationships go, this one was at least grounded in love. Twisted love, but love nonetheless.

Now, E got no love tonight. Again. For a guy who hangs out with a superstar, the little dude has the worst luck with the gals. After a fender bender with towel-wearing Scary Movie star Anna Faris, E deluded himself into thinking that they had shared a moment. Once again, his girl radar was miles off. After stalking, er, tracking Faris down to her house — under the guise of getting insurance info — E talked shop with her while giving her a ride to a movie meeting. His slam on her upcoming project seemed to resonate with the actress, as she later called and asked him to dinner. It wasn’t until their cute banter over the check that the bomb dropped. A phone call from Anna’s boyfriend. Didn’t it look like E was about to hurl up those recently consumed nachos when it dawned on him that Anna had no interest in him that way? Alas, she wanted him for his mind, as a manager, not a boy toy. Just two weeks in the business and E has already bagged another client. Go E! And no doubt, managers all over L.A. tonight are preparing to try demolition derby on Hummer-driving B celebrities. (Trishelle, watch your rear-view mirror! They’re coming for you!) The preview for next week showed Vince seeming none too pleased with Eric’s burgeoning list of clients. I just pray that E and Vince get to have their special moment like the Golds.

And finally, there was Mr. Turtle’s Wild Ride. Tasked with loading up at the market for a fiesta at the boys’ new Hollywood Hills home — which runs $30K a month! — Turtle picked up not only some munchies but also some hoochies. Cruising down the street and sniffing the last vestige of the world’s best marijuana, Turtle and the ladies were pulled over by the LAPD. Officer Unfriendly opened with the third worst question someone in L.A. can hear from a police officer: ”What’s that smell?” (The first being ”Would you please step out of the car, Mr. King?” and the second ”Is that you again, Paris?”) But, sweet fancy Moses, the cop let Turtle go after making him toss the weed canister down the sewer. And then Turtle recovered the weed, because he was wily enough to just set it on a ledge below the sewer! Even if Turtle was some type of criminal mastermind and kept his wits about him — after being forced to lie face down on the asphalt by the officer, no less — why in the world did the cop let him go? Yes, the pot was ”legal,” but it wasn’t his! And the car wasn’t registered to him! One thing the LAPD is not known for is letting celebs — or their drivers — slide. It was so ridiculous I half expected the officer to show up at the house later and toke up. But in the fantasy that’s Entourage, it’s a rare conflict that can’t be resolved by the end of the episode — unless that episode has Wally Balls in it! Yes, the foul-mouthed director is back next week, and the conflict between E and Wally and E and Vince and Ari and Wally and Drama and nobody resumes again.

So what do you think? Are you happy the stand-alone episodes seem to be finished? Looking forward to seeing Wally? Will E keep Anna as a client? And will Ari ever promote Lloyd?