A Definitive Ranking of Every The Velvet Underground Album

Welcome back to another edition Dissected, where we take a holistic look at a band’s discography, a director’s catalog, or some other critical pop-culture collection. It’s exact science by way of a few beers, as we revisit late ’60s New York City and the tumultuous art-rockers The Velvet Underground.

When Lou Reed left The Velvet Underground — perhaps the foundational band of underground, artsy, experimental guitar music — he moved back into his parents house on Long Island and took a gig as a typist at his father’s office. In 1970, affter creative power struggles, romantic drama, and four eccentric albums (each now thoroughly canonized), Reed had failed to break his little project into the mainstream. Shockingly few people knew of the band, and even fewer bought their records.

Yet, of course, the next half-century would see The Velvet Underground and their (nearly) flawless catalog emerge as some of the most influential music ever put to tape. Only 10,000 people bought the first Velvet Underground record, the old quote commonly attributed to Brian Eno goes, but everyone who bought those 10,000 copies started a band. History has been kind to The Velvet Underground, and for good reason: the music of Reed, John Cale, Maureen Tucker, Sterling Morrison, Doug Yule, and sometimes Nico oozes with enough sheer creativity and artistry to fuel artists for countless more half-centuries.

Today, just about any given indie rock group or punk band can trace their roots back to The Velvet Underground. From full-length tribute records to one-off live covers, anyone who’s anyone in rock music has seemingly paid their dues to the short-lived band (seriously, our Velvet Underground news archive is full of high-profile artists taking their turn to play “Venus in Furs” or “Rock & Roll”).

The Velvet Underound only lasted a handful of years, only releasing five albums in total, but they left a mark on rock music matched only by fellow behemoths like The Beatles. Despite their brief existence, the band’s sound twisted and morphed with each subsequent release, resulting in a wildly varied, incredibly impressive discography. With such variety in style and consistency in quality, only a fool would attempt to draft a ‘definitive ranking of every Velvet Underground record.’

So, without further ado, the definitive ranking of every Velvet Underground record.

05. Squeeze (1973)

Runtime: 33:30

Personnel: Doug Yule, Ian Paice (of Deep Purple)

What Goes On (Mood): Squeeze is rock music from the early ’70s — that’s really all the character it has. Nondescript, vaguely pointing to bands like The Beatles (as heard extremely clearly on the McCartney-esque”Crash”) or The Beach Boys (the inspiration behind “Caroline” isn’t exactly subtle), and pushing absolutely no sonic or formal boundaries, the record is offensively forgettable. Not a single hook stands out among this collection of uninspired blues and folk instrumentals. Had Squeeze not plastered the name “The Velvet Underground” on its album art (the lesser of the Velvet’s two phallic covers by a mile), it’d almost assuredly be lost to time. We wouldn’t have lost out on much.

Oh! Sweet Nuthin’ (Best Lyric): Error 404: Reed Not Found

I Could Sleep for a Thousand Years (Most Underrated Track): Closer “Louise” is the most sonically engaging of the set, even if it does fall short of its Beatles aspirations, instead landing in ‘Ringo Solo Project’ territory.

That’s the Story of My Life (Verdict/Analysis): As hinted at, Squeeze is essentially a Velvet Underground album in name alone. Reed and Sterling had officially left the band, leaving Yule — who replaced Cale following his unceremonious firing two albums prior — as the new band leader. He wrote and recorded the entirety of the project nearly alone; not even Tucker, who continued to tour with Yule, makes an appearance. Functionally, the album is a Yule solo project that utilizes his old band’s name because Steve Sesnick, the band’s manager at the time, thought he might be able to squeeze (ha!) a few more dollars out of The Velvet Underground brand.

The lack of any Velvets but Yule and the intense behind-the-scenes meddling by Sesnick lowers the tone and overall enjoyment of the 11 songs. Yule, to his credit, is trying his damndest; Squeeze is by no means a cynical or lazy record. It’s just… blah. A nothing album that nobody involved was all that proud of releasing. Fortunately, it’s the only blemish on The Velvet Underground’s discography.

04. Loaded (1970)

Runtime: 39:48

Personnel: Lou Reed, Sterling Morrison, Maureen Tucker, Doug Yule

What Goes On: If Squeeze sounds like a copy of a copy of a copy of rock ‘n’ roll, Loaded sounds like a masterful reinterpretation of the genre’s original blueprint. Ten songs and 40 minutes in length, the collection is perhaps Reed and company’s most immediate, easily enjoyable set of tunes. Unlike the avant garde nature of albums like White Light/White Heat, all-time classic songs like “Sweet Jane” or “Rock & Roll” are perfect Velvet Underground tracks not because of their progressive experimentation, but because of their flawless construction. It’s a record that proves that, if they had wanted to, The Velvet Underground could have been doing straight rock music all along.

Oh! Sweet Nuthin’: “You know that women never really faint/ And that villains always blink their eyes/ And that children are the only ones who blush/ And that life is just to die”

I Could Sleep for a Thousand Years: Every Velvet Underground (or Spacemen 3 fans, for that matter) should listen to “I Found a Reason” in all of its slow, dreamy glory.

That’s the Story of My Life: Loaded just might be The Velvet Underground’s best rock record, and had any other band released it, it would undoubtedly be in competition for the top spot. “Who Loves the Sun” is a heartbroken pop-rock tune in a uniquely classical sense, “Lonesome Cowboy Bill” is a ballroom bop, and the immaculate “Oh! Sweet Nuthin'” is the Platonic ideal of an epic, rockin’ closer.

And yet, it’s edged out by the three albums that preceded it for the same reason it’s so easy to love. Loaded is Reed playing by other people’s rules, and while he excels within these constraints, it results in merely a perfect record rather than a perfect and forward-thinking and prescient and influential and revolutionary record (a truly unforgivable sin, we know).

03. White Light/White Heat (1968)

Runtime: 40:13

Personnel: Lou Reed, John Cale, Sterling Morrison, Maureen Tucker

What Goes On: White Light/White Heat is often characterized as a sonic battle, and it’s not hard to hear why. The product of two warring creative forces (Cale with his unrestrained lust for musical revolution and Reed with his aspiration for pop perfection), it’s The Velvet Underground at their noisiest, most abrasive, and least conventional. This fruitful conflict comes through most obviously on the cacophonous beast that is “Sister Ray,” but even the album’s most tuneful ditties have an edge sharp enough to scratch a diamond, like on the eponymous opener, which sounds like if a bluesy, pub-ready rocker was blasted with enough saturation to warrant a warning label.

Oh! Sweet Nuthin’: “Shaved and hairless, what was once screaming/ Now lies silent and almost sleeping/ The brain must have gone away”

I Could Sleep for a Thousand Years: “The Gift,” with its extremely literary spoken word and stereo trickery, was never going to be a radio hit — but gosh darn it if it isn’t one of the most enthralling eight minutes the original Velvets ever put together.

That’s the Story of My Life: For the punks, no-wavers, noise-heads, and angsty avant-guardians, White Light/White Heat is likely The Velvet Underground at their peak. It certainly is the band at their most unbound and distorted. Cale’s had successfully upped his sonic fuckery and Reed was penning some of the most transgressive tales of his career. Tracks like “Lady Godiva’s Operation” — hummable yet dirty and touching on taboo subject matter — showcase the magic that spawned from the two artist fighting for creative control. By all accounts, it was a hellish and dramatic recording process, but the results speak for themself.

White Light/White Heat would prove to be Cale’s last bout with The Velvet Underground. Just two albums in, Reed squeezed (ha, again!) him out and would quickly pivot the band to focus on more accessible, prettier songs. In hindsight, it almost seems inevitable; “Sister Ray” is damn near a literal translation of Reed and Cale battling it out through competitive jamming. But what a swan song it was for the band’s most celebrated lineup, and it stands today as their most unapologetic and aggressive statement.

02. The Velvet Underground (1969)

Runtime: 43:53

Personnel: Lou Reed, Sterling Morrison, Maureen Tucker, Doug Yule

What Goes On: Shed of Cale and his resistance to anything remotely commercial-friendly, Reed quickly took the band in the opposite direction. The juxtaposition of the final song from White Light/White Heat (“Sister Ray”) and the opener of The Velvet Underground (“Candy Says”) is akin to that between a car crash and a cup of hot cocoa. The rest of the album follows suit, keeping the volume lower and the timbres cleaner. It’s the band’s most successful (creatively, at least, if not financially) attempt at crafting artful pop.

Oh! Sweet Nuthin’: “Like a dirty French novel combines the absurd with the vulgar”

I Could Sleep for a Thousand Years: “The Murder Mystery,” the most ambitious track on The Velvet Underground, helps add nuance to the prevailing narrative of Reed as the populist and Cale as the sonic terrorist. The track reads like the younger, sweeter sister of “The Gift,” complete with overlapping vocals and an extended runtime.

That’s the Story of My Life: As counter-culture as The Velvet Underground could be, they were often making genuine attempts at capturing the attention of the mainstream. The Velvet Underground may have failed in that goal, but not for lack of merit. The set contains some of Reed’s most moving, plainly beautiful songs — it truly is a wonder none of them managed to introduce the band to the masses.

Stripped of Cale’s abrasion, the album’s 10 tracks are able to showcase Reed’s songwriting prowess clearly and without the pesky obscuration of unappealing sounds. They’re intimate and softly presented, and yet retain Reed’s subversive lyricism. If White Light/White Heat is The Velvet Underground record for the Cale-loyal, The Velvet Underground is the pick for the Reed-heads.